Lost and found?

I always felt somewhat bulletproof.  I rode my motorcycle with no helmet, never wore seat belts till they started ticketing, I bucked every single safety thing because I thought that it wouldn't happen to me.  And it didn't.  Nothing.  Coming home from a party on my motorcycle.  No helmet.  70 mph around this sweeping left turn.  Had a nice beer buzz on, sun out, warm, in a T-shirt and shorts, loving life.  Swung into the turn and over corrected, went off the road into the gravel then bounced into the weeds, jammed the handlebars over and popped back onto the road.  To this day, I have no idea why or how I didn't crash.  I sure should have. 

I have, like most of you, hugged that poor SOB with a new diagnosis of whatever and telling them how sorry I was, thinking I was immune from that.  Bad things happened to others, not to me.  And I have seen some bad stuff happen to people.  

But now I am getting a sense of how short life can be.  Waiting for those CT results to see if the cancer had spread to my liver really messed with my head.  I know how it CAN end for me.  The mystery is gone in a way.   Like I found an expiration date on myself.  The date is hazy and I can't quite make it out but it is there and I feel like I've lost something...innocence maybe.  I don't know much about life but I do know I'll never feel like I used to.  

I went to the appointment with Seattle Cancer Care Alliance this Wednesday.  Lots of sick people there.  It's not too depressing though.  The staff was very upbeat.  It seems so screwy to think that I would be spending the rest of my life in and out of this place for rechecks.  In a year I wonder what I will think of all this?  Long road ahead that is for sure.  I won't have to worry about qualifying for life insurance... 

Linear accelerator!  Part of my radiation treatment program. 

This doesn't look expensive at all...

The place to be I guess.  The SCCA.

The view out my window.

I met with my cancer team today.  Mind you this was my second opinion visit (never mind that I didn't have my first visit with the Swedish docs yet), my "I wonder if I want to go to SCCA and get treated here" visit.  First up was meeting my new oncologist Dr Stacey Shiovitz.  She said right off the bat that I have a MRI ordered for Friday.  Wow.  They move it right along here.  Dr. Shiovitz is really nice and knowledgeable.  We had a great visit and went over what to expect.  Then I had my blood drawn for genetic testing.  I might have Lynch Syndrome which means I am at risk for skin, brain, colon, gallbladder, etc. cancer.  My offspring is also at risk for cancer.  Sam has to get checked at 36 years old.  I wonder if I'll live long enough to see that.  My brother already has his GI consult in the works.  I believe my cousin Eric is also getting checked.  Good on them.  Get checked.  I'm here to tell you.  Get.  Checked.

Then I went upstairs for my flexible sigmoidoscopy  and to meet Dr Krane who will be the surgeon that will open me up.  She is from the East Coast but did all her training in Chicago and recently moved her.  Her and I ripped on Seattle drivers and generally really hit it off.  I really like her.  Business but fun.  I also met the RN that will be following me for the next five years, Deb.  She is fun and cool also.  Had the sig scope thing done and Dr Krane was very optimistic about me being able to have my ileostomy reversed...in 7 months...unreal.  By then I suppose, it will be old hat.  Of all the things that bug me about this cancer, it is that damn ileostomy.  I just hate the thought of it.  Hate it.

After talking with the surgeon for about an hour, we had an appointment with my radiation oncologist Dr Koh.  This guy was great also.  We ate up an hour of his time and when we were done he told me "We are going to beat this thing.".  I sure hope to hell that we do.

Friday I go to back to SCCA for a MRI of my abdomen.  Of course I'll have to have more blood drawn and IVs.  Monday is University of Washington for genetic counselling and then back over to SCCA for the MRI results meeting with my team of doctors.  The MRI is better at detecting cancer spread so it will tell us if I am truly screwed or not.  Great.  I get to wait all weekend for that result.  

This is poisonous.  You have to be trained to administer it so you don't get sick.  I will get injected with about a gallon of it over the course of my treatment.

So it will shake out like this-

6 weeks of pill form chemo with radiation.  Pill is twice a day and radiation is every day for one hour.

I get 6-10 weeks off from that and then surgery.  6 days in the hospital and I might get to go home and then 2 weeks recovery at home hopefully.  This is assuming I have regular surgery.  Dr Krane says she will first try to do a laparoscopic surgery and if that doesn't work they will gut me like a fish.  With a laparoscopic surgery, the incisions are smaller and the healing time is quicker.  They are taking out a big chunk of my colon.  That gets messy so I'll get infected probably.  I was told to figure another possible hospital admit for that.   They'll try to minimize it but it is a messy surgery.

Let's say 4-6 weeks after surgery, I start the heavy duty chemo.  That is for 5 months.  I go in once every two weeks for an infusion of one drug and I get to take a pump home and infuse another drug over 2 days.  

After 5 months of that, if all goes well, I rest for a month or so and then they might be able to reverse the bag hanging off my side.

Maybe by my birthday (end of October) I will be done with chemotherapy. <Sigh> 

I have to say the support I am getting have been remarkable.  The folks I work with are just awesome.  Such support and love.  They are the best.  Of course I would be remiss to not mention my family and friends.  Love you guys!

Here is that Mercedes commercial I mention?  I think it is really well done.  Brings a tear to my eye.

Waiting is the hardest part

The 18th I have my next appointment.  This is with the oncologist Dr Gold.  I hope he has the...Midas touch.  Seems like a long time away.  But when compared to how long I'll have an ileostomy, one week ain't so bad.
My big question is do I wait for SCCA?  That appointment is on the 29th of December.  If I wait for them, everything waits.  A couple weeks might not make a big difference but to me it feels dangerous. <edit>  Just got off the phone with them and they are trying to get me in sooner.  Maybe next week.  Evidently they are super busy. <edit, edit>  The 17th of December I have my appointment at SCCA.  That is a good thing.
While working on the boat yesterday I was handling epoxy and thought to myself, I better get more gloves, I don't want to get cancer.  It is moments like that when this feels almost dream like (well nightmare).  The anger has more or less passed and now I am left with this feeling of uncertainty.  School is helping to keep my mind off the fear though.  Finals next week and I'll be so glad when this class is over.  Nursing Research and Statistics.  Ugh.  What a semester.
I am starting to rally and feel like this isn't the end of the world.  The outpouring out love and support has been nothing short of amazing.  While I never say it was worth getting this disease to experience that love, I stand in wonder of it.
Pete J., who knows a thing or two about abdominal surgery and almost nothing about sailing, told me yesterday that this will be a marathon.  Conserve energy and be ready for anything.  There will be setbacks aplenty I am sure but also times of inspiration and joy.
If I make it 5 years, my survival rate goes up pretty good.  5 years of waiting.  Life will be moving ahead as usual.  Sam will be in 4th grade, Ben in 9th grade and Max will done with school and maybe college. Jen will be be as lovely as ever.  I'll be out of school also come to think of it.  That is one more reason to beat this thing.  No sense in dying AFTER I complete school.

Stage III.  Barely.  My TNM score, that's Primary (T)umor, Regional Lymph (N)odes and Distant (M)etasis, is T3, N0, M0.  I'm not at Stage II because the tumor breached the wall of the colon.  Missed it by millimeters.  If I was Stage II, no radiation.  So what does it all mean?  On the 18th I meet with my oncologist Dr Gold.  I then get to have another doctor.  A Radiation Oncologist.  They will tattoo me with marks so they can shoot radiation into me and hit the tumor.  The tattoos are like a cross-hair on a rifle so they limit the damage to the surrounding tissue.  I also start taking a chemotherapy pill.  I get this for 8 weeks.  Radiation five times a week.  One hour at a time.  Side effects of the radiation will be burns to my skin and irritation to bladder and colon, green skin, and a possible super-power.  I am hoping for invisibility.
After eight weeks of that, I go to surgery.  They will open me up and take out most of my colon.  The radiation will have damaged the area so much that I will have to have an ileostomy.  I also get a port-a-cath placed.  Recovery from surgery is 5-6 days in the hospital.  I will start chemotherapy then and have 6 months of that.  After 6 months or so, I will go back into surgery and they will reverse the ileostomy (hopefully, sometimes this is permanent).  The surgeon says next year this time I should be almost feeling normal.  Maybe.
I looked at myself in the mirror this morning at my bare abdomen and tried to imagine a huge surgical scar there and a bag hanging of my lower belly.  First I got scared and then I got mad.
I have to say that I have never been angrier in my life.  I just wanted to scream.  Bellow.  Burn the sky.  Destroy everything beautiful.  I was mad at everything.  Mad doesn't do it justice.  Hate.  Boiling rage.  Seething fury.  I was careful not to lash out (mostly, sorry George) and kept it in but I was pissed.
We had Christmas brunch at my mother-in-laws club and I left early.  Told my wife I was going outside and I walked around and around the block.  My good friend Pete told me couple days ago that anger is useful but only when you are out of options.  Use it when you get sick on chemo and frustrated with life and feel you can't go on.  Fight that feeling with anger.  Anger now, while healthy, is wasted. Well screw that.  I am angry now dammit.  I texted with my cousin Eric and vented.  I vented to my mom.  I raged to the sky (Seattle is full of crazies, it is the mild weather.  I wasn't noticed).  I emailed Ken, I talked with Janine, I emailed my uncle.  All of this helped but still...
Eventually I got back home with the family.  Anger still there.  Like a cancer...  My wife left with the mother-in-law and I was home with the kids.  I sat in the living room and stewed.  I started a blog post but it was so full of hate that I deleted it.  Then, when I thought I was going to scream, Sam came up to me and gave me a hug.  Just after that, my wife called and said Hi.  Gone.  Hate, anger, all of it.  Gone.   I should add while hugging me Sam was asking if she could have screen time but I'll take any sort of hug at this point.
“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” – Kenji Miyazawa

Meanwhile...

I have to make a disclaimer here.  I figure the next year of blogging here is going to be me whining and carrying on.  Not everyone cares and I respect that.  I expect that.   I'm not the only one with cancer.  I get that also.  There really is nothing special about me.  I am one of billions.  Well, I make good bread and can drive a sailboat OK.  Trim a sail?  Not so much but that is why God made crew.

I used to ask myself that in five years am I going to care about what happened today?  I say that to myself when dealing with any situation that was unpleasant which basically meant I muttered that all day long while at work.  But I think in five years I very well might care about what happened today.  At 1010 am I will sit down with my wife and talk with the colorectal surgeon and find out what we are going to do next.  Then I have a choice to make.  Do I stay with the Swedish Medical system (where I work) or do I go to University of Washington/Fred Hutchinson and the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA)?  Seattle Cancer Care Alliance.  Sounds like a team of superheros.

Not actually the Fred Hutch/SSCA building

  "Meanwhile in the conference room on the 8th floor of the Fred Hutch building, the Seattle Cancer Team Alliance is assembling the greatest forces of good that world has ever seen!!"

They might be superheros actually.  The SCCA has a new webpage and the first thing you see is their video about their superior survival rates.  Complete with graphs!!  I was doing pretty good till I watched that video (it is one of the scrolling panels that rotate through).  While not sensationalistic, it does have a bit of a scare tactic feel to it.  "If you don't get ALL your care here, your survival rate will be lower.  Here is a graph with colored lines to prove it."  I mean if I make the wrong choice now, will I live?
So I will call the SSCA on the way to Swedish and get a second opinion.  They promise an appointment within one week.  I burned up a month screwing around worrying about getting cancer. In that context, what's a week.
I get reminded that this sickness, this damn cancer is not only about me.  It will affect others by how I respond to it. It would be so easy to focus just on me right now.  After all, I'm the one that has it. It might kill me and although I might bore you to death, my cancer isn't going to kill you.  But I am not going focus just on me.  I have nothing to do anyway.  Not really.  Make the choice about what treatment and doctor I am going to follow and...follow.  I am not trail-breaking here.  Someone else gets to put my IV in, they wheel me to surgery, they do everything, well I guess I'll have to change my colostomy bag but you get the picture.  A lot of the treatment that I am going to endure is me sitting there and taking it.  With grace and strength.  I hope...
Today I find out what stage cancer I have (I-IV with IV being the worst).  I am thinking I am Stage III merely because the CT scan showed enlarged lymph nodes.  That might actually make me a Stage IV but I am not sure on that.  Hence seeing the doctor and getting another colonoscopy but this time with ultrasound.  I have a feeling that I will be getting chemo and radiation prior to surgery and then chemo for 6 more months.  The chemo and radiation prior to surgery will shrink that tumor and make it easier to remove.

Here is a picture of the technician and the shrink ray.  Photo courtesy of SCCA.

So I did much better with my bowel prep this time around.  Practice makes perfect.  I used soft toilet paper and I was gentle.  I also learned that if you are taking the prep and feel like you are going to pass gas.  IT IS NOT GAS!
I'll update the blog later with what we find out today.  I'll leave you with some Homer Simpson and a quote from one of my favorite books.
“I don't want to die without any scars.” 
― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

This is the FIRST thing I thought of when I got my diagnosis.  Honest.

And you thought this was only a sailing blog...

I was asked fairly regularly before our trip why we were going to do Mexico.  I always said, "My dad and uncle died relatively young from cancer.  I might get it, so we are going now."  Prophetic. 

So back from Mexico, starting to get our lives all back on track and I had a problem.  Since May I was experiencing some bleeding from, well, my butt.  No leaking but when I felt I had to pass gas, I'd sometimes pass blood.  I have a history of hemorrhoids and didn't think much of it.  Till it never went away.  We didn't have insurance so I knew I'd have to wait until I started work.  Started work, started school and waited until insurance kicked in.  October starts and we heard nothing from the insurance company.  Couple calls later and we are all set.  Except I'm scared.  Google rectal bleeding.  Google rectal bleeding no pain.  Cancer comes up.  I have a family history of "stomach cancer" (grandfather) and both my dad and uncle died of lung cancer (smokers).  Mom had cancer of the uterus.  Cancer don't run in our family, it gallops!  Still, the stomach is a long way from the large intestine.  Unless back in grand-dad's day, "stomach cancer" is actually colon cancer.  End of October...still no visit to the doctor.  The day of my birthday I promise myself to see the doctor.

Appointment made and followed through.  Blood work and stool sample.  Maybe I got a bug in Mexico.  Maybe I have irritable bowel syndrome.  Maybe...

All labs are normal.  I'm still bleeding.  Colonoscopy scheduled for December 2nd. Did the bowel prep which wasn't as bad as you heard.  Till I wiped a bit too much and then it was awful.  Use very soft toilet paper and be gentle to yourself.

I get picked up at my house by my step-father Z. If you ever have to go through something like this, it helps to have such a great man by your side.  Thanks Dad.  Love you.  Head downtown Seattle for the scope.  IV placed, Fentanyl and Versed given and I'm out.  Till I'm not.  Doctor wakes me and I can see inside me.  Why?  Doctor says, "You have to see something."  Pretty large bleeding mass right where the rectal area ends and the colon proper begins.  Biopsy taken and also they found 2 8mm polyps.  Those are removed and biopsied also.  Oh and one hemorrhoid.  Non-bleeding.

Immediate CT scan order of chest, abdomen and pelvis.  Colorectal cancer spreads.  Mainly to the liver.  If that happens it gets ugly. I have more blood drawn.  This time they add a bleeding profile.  I know that is for surgery.  I get scared.   I also have a fear of needles.  By the end of the day, I could care less about them.  Of course I was still drugged and sleepy from the meds given during my colonoscopy.

Wheeled into CT and they start another IV.  Why they couldn't use the one that was placed for the scope is never really explained all that well.  She digs around and finally gets it.  I have sent many a patient to the CT.  Never had one.  They inject dye into your body so the CT can see everything.  This dye gets removed by the kidneys.  The RN gets more blood and runs a creatinine clearance which shows if my kidneys can handle the dye.  They can.  Hands above head.  I slid into the doughnut and the dye gets injected into me.  If the cancer don't kill you, I think the cure will.  Warm flush feeling everywhere.  And I'm done.  Go home and wait for results. My mom is told the news and in typical German fashion, wipes away a tear and starts getting information on who can help us the best.  I start thinking maybe I should pray.  

That night was rough.  I'm very scared.  I learned to never, ever Google colorectal cancer survival rates.  Ever.  Especially with the "mets to liver" added.  Can't sleep, eyes burning from crying so much.  My wife and I talked about it while we should have been sleeping.  I am almost inconsolable.  I worry about my family and how they will take it,  having a colostomy bag, and dying.  In that order.  Jen told me that Ben came to her in tears and was worried about me.  That started another round of crying.  Getting dehydrated from crying.
I have a 4 year old little girl, a 9 year old son, a 17 year old step-son, a beautiful wife, and I get cancer.  I take care of people all day, every day in the ER that have much less and they willingly try to kill themselves with booze and drugs.  They don't get the killer, I do.

Woke up in the morning and I hear our 4 year old calling out from her room, "Is anybody out there that can give me a hug?"  Or something like that.  I'm not sure because I broke down and sobbed for 15 minutes.

December 3rd was spent with me holding my phone close by and waiting for the CT results and pathology report from my GI doctor Stan Lee.  I picked him out of a group of GI doctors because of his name.  They all were highly recommended so I picked him like I pick wine.  

Phone rings.  Heart leaps, tears flow.  I know, I know.  I am such a crybaby.  Always have been.  I cried once during a particularly touching Mercedes Benz commercial.  It is Chase Bank wanting to get to know me better.  Grrrrr.

I go with my wife and mother-in-law to Trader's Joe and notice something.  I notice everything.  Colors, sounds, warmth of sunlight on my face, my wife's smile...I even tip the guy playing violin outside of the store.  

Phone rings.  Ugh. OK.  I can do this.  It's the colorectal surgeon's office calling to set up an appointment.  Things feel little bit like they are leaving my control.  I don't have results but here I am making an appointment for a surgical consult.  Backtrack a bit.  I have great friends and many of them are in the medical field.  Jon works at Swedish and we ask him to recommend a surgeon and an oncologist.  Dr Laura Gladstone and Dr Pollock for surgeons and Dr Gold for the cancer doctor.  Gladstone's office is on the line.  Dr Lee talked with her and he set this in motion.  Dr Pollock is the one I am interested in though.  Robotic surgery.  Good hands also.  Don't Google "robotic surgery outcomes and colorectal cancer."  Appointment made for this Friday.  1010 in the am.

Phone rings.  It's the office of Dr Ragulick (or something).  They are scheduling an colonoscopic ultrasound that will tell us what stage cancer I have.  Yeah.  Google that.  Appointment made.  This Friday at 1:50 in the pm. I have to do the bowel prep again.  I start crying again.  RESULTS!  I WANT MY RESULTS.  I know how this works.  We do CT scans all the time.  Results are back in 20 minutes,  It has been 24 hours!!!!!!

I pick up my daughter at Pre-K and get home.  Phone rings.  It's Dr. Lee.  My liver is free of cancer as far as they can tell.  That is very good.  Reduces my mortality rate.  I have a chance of getting liver cancer in the future but I don't have it now.  I do have swollen lymph nodes surrounding the mass in my rectum.  Not so good.  Pathology report is still not back.  Dr. Lee says it is a HUGE longshot that this turns out not to be cancer so we should get things moving.  And we do.  Like a freight train.

So this is where I'm at.  Friday is ultrasound of the invasive nature.  Then I start radiation.  Jesus...

I will say this. I am lucky.  Always have been.  You need to look no farther than who I married to know that I am one lucky son-of-a-bitch. Others have dealt with more than I have and I am grateful for what I have.  I will fight.  One look into my kids room while they are sleeping gives me all the steel I need to support myself.  I might not win but I will fight.
This reminds me of the old joke.
Hear about the guy with rectum cancer?
Rectum?!  Damn near killed him...

Back in Seattle

We got into Seattle at 0300 Friday morning July 25th at Shileshole marina. Jen dropped Benny off at the fuel dock and we continued on Seattle Yacht Club.  After a totally uneventful trip through the locks and all the bridges getting raised, Appa was in her new slip at 0430. Benny and I sat right next to each other the entire trip down the river and enjoyed the closeness that only 2 months apart can bring. I missed everyone so much.  Two months was too long.  I thought my time in Hawaii was going to be the end of me.  There is only so much cleaning and prepped work that one can do.

So I won't give a blow by blow of the passage. I covered most of it in the blog. 

I put together a quick YouTube video of our Mexico to Honolulu leg.

You can see the turtle that we saved and the net that it was trapped in on the foredeck.  Pictures and video never do the waves justice.

So what worked and what didn't. Let's see...

I loved the Vesper vision AIS. Great customer support and very power draw.  Hooks wireless to the ipad and the house computer. I'll be completely happy when they come out with the anchor alarm in the software.  They say it is coming.

Rocna anchor. Great. Never dragged but I doubt we ever were really on the anchor.  In a 30 knot blow, bud of mine dove down and said the boats were pulling on the chain only. We did have one night of 40 knots and the chain was bar tight.  No dragging. 

Look at the size of the Rocna at Fisheries in Seattle. 

Mantus anchor bridle and hook.  Once Max and I figured out how it wanted to be hooked, meaning in 12 foot of water the bridle would rub on the sand and get almost unhooked, it was great.  Never came off.  Great shock absorbing.  But it has to be off the ground. 

Danard dinghy wheels. Bulletproof.  Best out there I think. 

The inReach system was unreal. Very nice to have even if it meant that the ocean didn't seem as big. Daily, even hourly, connections with the outside world was cool.  For the most part. 

UE Boom. Portable Bluetooth speaker. 

I don't know what else. I mean I researched the hell out of this stuff and bought what I thought was great. 

Our Mercury dinghy was great as was the Yamaha 15hp 2 stroke outboard. No problems. 

I'll think about this some more and post something. I always liked other cruisers blogs about what works and didn't. I used them for myself. It all worked. 

Pictures. Here are some of other crossing to Seattle from Honolulu. 

Here is Papa Fox on watch checking our daily progress. 

If you look close I am trying to use calipers on the chartplotter. It was funny at the time. Or sleep deprivation is a real, hidden danger. 

Sunset at the Hawaiian Yacht Club

The landmark Hilton at the Ala Wei yacht basin.

Our complete route from Mexico to USA. 6343 miles total. 

My man Jugurtha. AKA the Godfather. Got breakfast in bed twice. TWICE!!!  You could also call him the Fishslayer!!

When the crew got out of line, I donned my official hat. 

The Godfather and Papa Fox

Jeremy cooking. 

Bread. I made loaf after loaf. 

His third tuna. We felt like Bubba in Forrest Gump talking about different ways of cooking shrimp.

Foggy sunset.  Cool also. 

Sunset.

Near miss with freighters out in the pacific. This guy actually crossed in back of us. The graphic is just that.  His actually position is that green dot with the name on it. Missed us by .5 miles. 

The sunrise getting photo bombed by PF

Sundowner time 

We had fog for days and days. 

Patiently waiting for fish

Pete. Just hanging out. 

See that spam. And the fog. 

Last of the warm water wash downs. Ice cold beer for a sundowner. 

Leftovers!!!

At sea sail repair. Thanks Pete. 

Laundry day. 

I have more photos and will post them later. 

So the Hawaii to Seattle leg was 3012 miles sailed. We used

95 gallons of fuel

Made 200 gallons of water

Had a ton of fun. 

Home james home and don't spare the horses!

In the Strait of Juan de Fuca now. Stopped at Port Angeles for fuel and took on 50 gallons.
ETA to Seattle...not soon enough but 0200 in the morning sounds about right. Everyone is excited! We have had a great trip so far and are looking forward to being reunited with our friends and family.

84 miles to Cape Flattery.
Yesterday...where do I start? What a day. The wind started to build at 0600. The autopilot was handling the steering but it was working pretty hard. We threw in a 3rd reef around 0900 and started to hand steer. More or less to conserve battery as the freezer full of tuna and a hard working autopilot tend to use up the electrons. Then the waves started. I complain quite a bit about the waves. Unless you have been out here, you'll never get. Big waves from multiple directions and every once in a while they meet and form this triangular "wave of death". Waves hitting straight on and the dominant swell from the north, let's not forget the wind waves also from the northwest.
I was driving Appa and we got into a particular nasty set of swells. The wind was singing through the rigging at 25-30 knots and we started to surf down a 12-15 footer, hitting about 11 knots or so, when a hole in the water opened in front of the boat and we fell into it. Speed dropped to almost nil, I got thrown into the wheel and the boat lifted her stern and pivoted to starboard. It was like a ballet dancer falling into an unseen pothole full of water. Water everywhere, crying, screaming.
Well, that was yesterday. Today is different. Light wind out of the west and we are struggling to make 5 knots. What a difference a day makes. Whereas we made 180 miles in 24 hours yesterday, I think today will be slightly off that.
Hopefully the wind fills and we can start making time again.
It is cloudy right now and 66 degrees in the cabin. Barometer is rising, sitting currently at 1013. Wind out of the west at 10 knots. Swell is NW at 5 feet with 6 sec period. Sail configuration is wing on wing with 2 reefs in the main to minimize banging of the sails.
We still plan on being in Seattle on Saturday though. Remember bring your tents and camping gear to the Ballard Locks. Again, I think it best for people to start showing up at 0600 to first all, get the best seats and second of all, you don't want to miss this. I have already notified the lock personnel to expect a large crowd that will most likely be spending the night there waiting on us. The lock people also have a dance routine made up by Papa Fox (he is full of surprises) and it will be distributed to you all on 4x6 cards. If you start practicing, I am sure you will make us proud. King5 and Komo are also going to be there. Don't let the helicopters interrupt your practicing. Maybe you heard that Obama was in town. He is going to show up also. I donated $5 to his campaign and he is a name of his word.

At least the M&Ms aren't melting!

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride ain't got nothing on us. After motoring yet again for most of Saturday, the wind filled in right after our dinner. It built through the night and at 0430, I was called on deck to help reef us down. Wind was out of the west at 25 with gusts in the 30s. Being that we are STILL on Honolulu time, 0430 was actually in bright morning sun. Can you believe it? Sunday was actually SUNNY! It was the first time we have seen sun in over a week.
The wind slowly mellowed to steady 20s and by 0900, I shook out the 3rd reef and went to second reef with 90% of the jib flying. The waves were still big at 11-15 footers with a couple "outlaws" thrown in that knocked us around a bit but Appa tracked steady. We handsteered the entire day to give the autopilot a break. It can handle the conditions but it was straining a bit in the big waves. Waves were from the north AND the west. Hard to judge the period as it seemed they were always on top of us. But at least it was sunny.
I cranked up the stereo and drove with (and through) the waves listening to some Van Halen, The Dubliners, FloRida, Rihanna, Rusted Root, Maroon 5, The Rolling Stones, and some more.
Also in the morning, I baked about 8 pounds of tuna in the oven. Drizzled olive oil over the fish, sprinkled seasoning and put lemon wedges on it and baked. Then I flaked it. Made tuna fish salad and with the remaining meat, we are having casserole tonight. I am also having a hankering for a tunamelt. Lunch! I still have to make bread. We still have some steak left but if it wasn't for the fish, canned food would be on our menu.
Papa Fox made braised cabbage with potatoes, honey, red wine vinegar, and sausage. Delicious!
We had an actual almost, kinda sunset complete with rainbow yesterday. Then we spent the first part of the evening dodging rain squalls. The night watches had steady wind out of the NW at 15 the waves calmed down a bit to 5-6 feet.
Currently the barometer is steady at 1010, cabin temp is 60!!!!, sun is shining in between clouds, wind is from the NW at 10-15, waves 5 or so and a period of 8 seconds. We shook out a reef and currently have one reef in and full jib. Boat speed is 6-7 knots at 90°T.
The crew is holding up well and I am sure that they are all ready to be on land. Sleep is hard to come by in these conditions but we are managing. At one point during the bigger waves and wind, Gordon Lightfoot popped into my head. "Does anyone know where the love of Gods goes, when the waves turn the minutes into hours?" Haunting. Although it is not that bad out here. Heck it is trade wind conditions but still, at times, I'm thinking enough with the sails banging, waves crashing, cans sliding, boat creaking, water dripping, tuna fishing (!), foul weather gear wearing!!!!
We are projected to be passing Neah Bay Thursday or Friday. If Thursday, then it would be 18 days from Honolulu to Cape Flattery/Neah Bay. That is good enough for us to grab the ANNUAL HONOLULU TO CAPE FLATTERY TROPHY out of the hands of Sand Dollar who by their reports did it in 21 days. I can't help it, I'm very competitive when it comes to boats.
Quote of the day. Papa Fox told me this. When asked what his career plans were, he answered "To get it over with."
Saturday or Sunday we should be in Seattle. I am thinking Saturday. I'd like everyone to show up at the Ballard Locks on Saturday at 0600 and wait for us. Bring a tent and sleeping bags. If we aren't there by Sunday at 1800, wait longer!
See you at the locks!!!!!




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At least the M&Ms aren't melting!

Mr. Toad's Wild Road ain't got nothing on us. After motoring yet again for most of Saturday, the wind filled in right after our dinner. It built through the night and at 0430, I was called on deck to help reef us down. Wind was out of the west at 25 with gusts in the 30s. Being that we are STILL on Honolulu time, 0430 was actually in bright morning sun. Can you believe it? Sunday was actually SUNNY! It was the first time we have seen sun in over a week.
The wind slowly mellowed to steady 20s and by 0900, I shook out the 3rd reef and went to second reef with 90% of the jib flying. The waves were still big at 11-15 footers with a couple "outlaws" thrown in that knocked us around a bit but Appa tracked steady. We handsteered the entire day to give the autopilot a break. It can handle the conditions but it was straining a bit in the big waves. Waves were from the north AND the west. Hard to judge the period as it seemed they were always on top of us. But at least it was sunny.
I cranked up the stereo and drove with (and through) the waves listening to some Van Halen, The Dubliners, FloRida, Rihanna, Rusted Root, Maroon 5, The Rolling Stones, and some more.
Also in the morning, I baked about 8 pounds of tuna in the oven. Drizzled olive oil over the fish, sprinkled seasoning and put lemon wedges on it and baked. Then I flaked it. Made tuna fish salad and with the remaining meat, we are having casserole tonight. I am also having a hankering for a tunamelt. Lunch! I still have to make bread. We still have some steak left but if it wasn't for the fish, canned food would be on our menu.
Papa Fox made braised cabbage with potatoes, honey, red wine vinegar, and sausage. Delicious!
We had an actual almost, kinda sunset complete with rainbow yesterday. Then we spent the first part of the evening dodging rain squalls. The night watches had steady wind out of the NW at 15 the waves calmed down a bit to 5-6 feet.
Currently the barometer is steady at 1010, cabin temp is 60!!!!, sun is shining in between clouds, wind is from the NW at 10-15, waves 5 or so and a period of 8 seconds. We shook out a reef and currently have one reef in and full jib. Boat speed is 6-7 knots at 90°T.
The crew is holding up well and I am sure that they are all ready to be on land. Sleep is hard to come by in these conditions but we are managing. At one point during the bigger waves and wind, Gordon Lightfoot popped into my head. "Does anyone know where the love of Gods goes, when the waves turn the minutes into hours?" Haunting. Although it is not that bad out here. Heck it is trade wind conditions but still, at times, I'm thinking enough with the sails banging, waves crashing, cans sliding, boat creaking, water dripping, tuna fishing (!), foul weather gear wearing!!!!
We are projected to be passing Neah Bay Thursday or Friday. If Thursday, then it would be 18 days from Honolulu to Cape Flattery/Neah Bay. That is good enough for us to grab the ANNUAL HONOLULU TO CAPE FLATTERY TROPHY out of the hands of Sand Dollar who by their reports did it in 21 days. I can't help it, I'm very competitive when it comes to boats.
Quote of the day. Papa Fox told me this. When asked what his career plans were, he answered "To get it over with."
Saturday or Sunday we should be in Seattle. I am thinking Saturday. I'd like everyone to show up at the Ballard Locks on Saturday at 0600 and wait for us. Bring a tent and sleeping bags. If we aren't there by Sunday at 1800, wait longer!
See you at the locks!!!!!




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baby, it's cold outside!

On watch last night, saw my breath. I should end this entry on that note. Course then I couldn't tell you about Jugurtha turning into a fishing machine.
We are currently motoring, again with the motor, but at least we are more or less headed right for Cape Flattery. 838 miles to go till Seattle.
This leg of the trip home has been so much different from the Mexico to Hawaii leg. As it should be. It has been fun for sure but not the easy going , soaking in the sun, never start the motor fun like we had going to Honolulu. This has been wet, foggy (no sun for 6 days now), and cold. Even without the weather, the course we have had to run is almost as variable as the weather. We have had so many course corrections due to the wind that our mileage doesn't go down all the time. It can go up. The saying on the boat now is "only 10 more days". I am afraid to run the heater because I am not sure how much more motoring we are going to have to do.
Morale is good though and we are going to have hot water for showers today. Everything is kinda damp and will stay that way until we either get into Seattle or the sun comes out. My bet is Seattle.
Jugurtha caught three Big Eyed Tunas (I think they are Big Eyed) yesterday. Freezer is stuffed like a sausage with fresh tuna. he wants to try and get some home and feed his friends. He was very excited about the fish and did a masterful job filleting them. We figure we now have 15 pounds of tuna. Last night Jeremy seared some of the tuna and we had that on a bed of Quinoa. Unreal. I made fresh bread and I think I got my recipe down. Nothing like hot bread and a hint of melted butter. Well, maybe more than a hint.
Had a good sail for the past couple of days and been motoring since 2000 yesterday. Saw some whales yesterday (grays) and a pod of dolphins also. At night I went to start the motor and noticed as I increased the throttle the tachometer didn't move. This usually indicates a slipping belt on the alternator. Shut down the motor and tighten belt. Except it wasn't just a loose belt. The bolt that the alternator hinges on had spun off and was almost out of it's hole. Came really close to having the belt come off and then get entangled in the water maker belt which could have caused some problems. Lucky break right there. The bolt that came out was pretty beat up. The threads were flattened and the nut (after we found one that fit) was having problems getting on the bolt. After cleaning the threads, we got everything to spin together. I put some locktite on the nut and tightened. So far so good. Makes me wonder how long that bolt has been loose.
Other problems include the remote control for the autopilot dying and the button that allows me to put the engine in neutral also got stuck. Fixed all but the unneeded remote.
All in all it is going OK. Could be worse. Sea Otter (left Honolulu 3 days after we did) has had a fire (starter caught fire after grounding itself out), freezer died (lost a ton of frozen meat), toilet died (bucket now in use), and wind vane problems (fixed). In comparison, we are doing well.
Wind is slowly building and maybe we can sail. At some point we are just going to HAVE to sail as the fuel is finite. I think we have 45 gallons left. Not a lot really. Jeremy has to be back on the 29th of July (actually the 28th) and I am wondering if we can make that. We really only need to get to Neah Bay and can refuel there. There will be a timing issue with that also. It is not a 24 hour gas station.
Our text address is appa@inreach.delorme.com if you want to write us. Thanks to all of you who have written.




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Motoring. Motoring now for 16 hours or so. Ugh. The Pacific High went right over us and we should be out of it late Thursday or Friday. Then we do the big turn to the right to actually head home.
My dad used to "buy" wind. Out on the boat with him on Lake Michigan, I remember him throwing a quarter in the water to "buy" wind. You didn't want to buy too much. Whether it works or not is up for debate but we still tried it this morning. I'll bet that quarter is still dropping to the ocean floor. I threw it over at 5000 meters. Benny. How many feet is that? You and I learned that in your math class.
Thanks to everyone who emailed and texted with their selections! I have 4 other people to talk to onboard but I crave more. Unless you have been out here, you can't understand the isolation. Same colors, smells, everything the same. We all look forward to answering email and texts on the inReach. The inReach makes a descending whistle sound when a message arrives. Everyone's ears perk up. I liken it to mail call while in the service. You crave news from home.
We got Gang of Four, Van Halen, The Cars (AWESOME!), the Smiths, INXS (How is it possible I don't have them on my iPod, I mean for crying out loud??? It is almost enough to make me swear), Suicidal Tendencies, U2, Madonna, RATT and of course some Cyndi Lauper. I have to add ZZTop. Listening to them typing this wearing Sam's pink headphone no less. I have some work to do on my collection (and some would say taste) once back in Seattle.
Last night we listened to some great tunes and had a Vodka with soda and lime. Limes are becoming scarce. Got lemons though. No real sunset as it is foggy all the time here. Except for right above us. Bright blue sky!
I made burgers on the grill and Papa Fox made bread for buns. It was really good. I maintain that food on a boat is always good.
We made 60 gallons of water yesterday as well. Laundry is just killing our water supply. I have all my clothes here but these guys packed like 3 shirts and two pairs of underwear. I should have put more thought into their packing. Oh well. As long as the watermaker works, we are fine.
Dinner tonight is maybe a casserole that Pete is going to make.
I am bored and don't want to read as I don't want my book to end. Ever do that? Just don't want it to be over. I am currently reading "Packing for Mars: The Curious Science of Life in the Void" by Mary Roach. She has another book on this Kindle named "Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex". I almost didn't start the Mars book because of the other book's title. I love the Mars book. Funny and well written. It also mirrors what we are doing on this boat. Seclusion, hygiene, safety, food, boredom, etc. I am reading passages out-loud to the crew (They say they enjoy but...) and we have a good laugh. I heartily recommend it. I might try the Bonk book next.
Been listening to a lot of music lately and John Hiatt is fast becoming a favorite. Check out the lyrics from Lincoln Town.
"What I feel like is an old freight train, 5 miles long in the pouring rain.
Rolling out of Detroit, loaded up with shiny cars.
And I'm sitting in a Cadillac, smoking on a big cigar.
What I feel like is an engine room, open my door and get a whiff of perfume
Love that diesel, burning up the atmosphere
When you hear me blow, you'll know I'm near."
It has a great driving beat. Once we get into the wind and this boat starts hauling the mail, I'm getting this on the stereo and cranking it up to 11.
I also like "Panama" by Van Halen for driving the boat in heavy air. You can break gear that way though. Just keep pushing it and BANG!
I can't even understand what David Lee Roth is saying half the time on that song but the guitar and drums just do it for me.
Ever try to understand what Mick Jagger is singing about in "Jumping Jack Flash"? Impossible unless you read the lyrics. I think Whoopi Goldberg was in a movie where she had to decipher the lyrics of Jumping Jack Flash to solve something. I just remember her frustration with Mick.
Thanks for reading my drivel. Gives me something to do and reflect a bit. I also get to practice my grammar. This is from The Simpsons:
Teenage Homer: Why should I go to English class? I'm never going to England!
That slays me.



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Another day down. We left the 6th of July and it is now the 15th. It's 2100 (that 9pm to you non-medical, sailor, army etc types) Honolulu time. The dishes are done and people are either on watch (Jugurtha), sleeping (Papa Fox, Jeremy, Pete), or trying desperately to come up with something interesting to write about.
The day started out for me at 0400 helping Pete get the sails squared away so we could start up the motor due to the wind dying off. This means dropping the spinnaker pole and stowing it. It NEVER wants to go to it's home on the boat. No way, it wants to swing wildly and try to bash me on the head or get caught on the netting that surrounds the boat to keep the kids onboard. The spin pole loves nets. Nets and heads. Max got konked (or is it conked) on the head this year by the spin pole. Drove him right to his knees. Luckily I only had to extricate the pole from the net. Of course the jib saw what fun the spin pole was having so it decided to get it's foot tension line wrapped around the bow pulpit and make a knot that I have never seen before. Had to cut it away. Once that was done, we were finally ready to start the motor. 10 minutes later the wind springs up again out of the south at 10 knots. Out goes the jib and the spin pole and eventually the reefs in the main. It was 0530 by the time we were squared away. Wind was south all day from 10-15 knots. Boat speed was 6-7-8 knots at times.
Next I used the satellite phone to download GRIB files (weather maps) and try to guess where to go next. It should seem obvious to anyone on where to go. Point the bow at Washington State and go. Not so fast. We have to worry about the weather. OK, so we got the weather data and it doesn't look bad but not really optimal either. We sailed all day today. Sailed dead down wind with a poled out jib and full main to the opposite side. Wong on Wong as the iPad likes to correct it. Made 147 miles in the last 24 hours. Not too bad. Problem is the Pacific High is right over us now. Unless the wind fills in from the storm way off to the east of us, we are going to be motoring for the next 24 hours (maybe more). 80 gallons of diesel left. Should be enough. Well, ultimately we are a sailboat so if we run out, we'll sail. And go stark raving mad!!!
The winch for the main sail halyard was wobbly so I took it apart with Jugurtha and Jeremy's help and we tightened it back up. One problem fixed. The wind indicator has died completely. I have powered it down and will worry about it in Seattle.
The wind died right after supper so here we are again. Motoring! What's your price for flight? In finding Mr Right....Turns out Jeremy has this song on his computer. Just found this out. Tomorrow the Appa Sundowner Happy Hour will feature the musical stylings of NIGHT RANGER!!! And maybe Poison, White Lion, Van Halen, who else?
I got a great response on my Night Ranger question. Wanna play some more? What 80s band most personifies the 80s? Who should be playing front and center while we toast to the sun for another great day? I have a pretty gpod selection of 80s on my ipod. But not Night Ranger. Weird. Going to have to fix that.
Dinner tonight was by Papa Fox. Chicken curry stew over rice. For dessert we had a coconut cream cake with blueberries. Delicious.
We have about 1300 more miles to go. Our super accurate weather guy, Michael, (who was dead on yesterday about when the wind was going to fill in) wants us to think about turning toward the west coast of America around 46 degrees of latitude. If the wind switches before hand, we would love to turn early and cut some miles off the trip. Instead of a hard turn at 46 we start turning gradually at 44 or so. Either way we have another 400 miles of north to go before we can start thinking about turning.
Swear count today is 3. All of it used up battling the spinnaker pole this morning. I'd swear and then swear for swearing. Dumb. It is amazing now that I am conscious of my swearing how much everyone else swears. My ears are tuned for it or something.
Books. I just finished 4 books in the past 3 days. I don't sleep much out here so I read.
Haunted Ground by Erin Hart. Pretty good murder mystery set in Ireland.
No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy. Loved it. Better than the movie
I Drink for a Reason by David Cross. Pretty funny book. This guy doesn't like Jim Belushi at ALL.
What Looks Like Crazy On an Ordinary Day by Pearl Cleage. Pretty good also. Set in Michigan, the book follows a newly HIV infected black female as she goes back home to see her sister. I liked it.
I think I am going to start the Game of Thrones series.

Wednesday the 16th of July

Had to use a blanket last night. Haven't used one of those in a bit.
Foggy and cool this morning. Cabin temp is 72. That I haven't seen in awhile either.
There is some wind trying to build out of the south as we motor north. Not enough to sail. OK, there is just enough to sail but the swells out here roll the boat so much that the sails just get backwinded and then POP! slap back. Super annoying and not good for the sails either.
We have seen a grand total of 5 ships out here, all headed to various places. The AIS tells us where they are headed. Japan, New Orleans, San Diego, etc.
Pete saw a pod of dolphins this morning. That is a first for this leg. I traveled down the coast with the Scott and Mary on Whisper years back. Saw some dolphins on that trip! Incredible.
Going to get the weather now.
Remember to text me your favorite 80s band and we will try to play it tonight and tomorrow night for our sundowner. Haven't seen a real sunset in the past 5 days though. We pretend.

Another day down. We left the 6th of July and it is now the 15th. It's 2100 (that 9pm to you non-medical, sailor, army etc types) Honolulu time. The dishes are done and people are either on watch (Jugurtha), sleeping (Papa Fox, Jeremy, Pete), or trying desperately to come up with something interesting to write about.
The day started out for me at 0400 helping Pete get the sails squared away so we could start up the motor due to the wind dying off. This means dropping the spinnaker pole and stowing it. It NEVER wants to go to it's home on the boat. No way, it wants to swing wildly and try to bash me on the head or get caught on the netting that surrounds the boat to keep the kids onboard. The spin pole loves nets. Nets and heads. Max got konked (or is it conked) on the head this year by the spin pole. Drove him right to his knees. Luckily I only had to extricate the pole from the net. Of course the jib saw what fun the spin pole was having so it decided to get it's foot tension line wrapped around the bow pulpit and make a knot that I have never seen before. Had to cut it away. Once that was done, we were finally ready to start the motor. 10 minutes later the wind springs up again out of the south at 10 knots. Out goes the jib and the spin pole and eventually the reefs in the main. It was 0530 by the time we were squared away. Wind was south all day from 10-15 knots. Boat speed was 6-7-8 knots at times.
Next I used the satellite phone to download GRIB files (weather maps) and try to guess where to go next. It should seem obvious to anyone on where to go. Point the bow at Washington State and go. Not so fast. We have to worry about the weather. OK, so we got the weather data and it doesn't look bad but not really optimal either. We sailed all day today. Sailed dead down wind with a poled out jib and full main to the opposite side. Wong on Wong as the iPad likes to correct it. Made 147 miles in the last 24 hours. Not too bad. Problem is the Pacific High is right over us now. Unless the wind fills in from the storm way off to the east of us, we are going to be motoring for the next 24 hours (maybe more). 80 gallons of diesel left. Should be enough. Well, ultimately we are a sailboat so if we run out, we'll sail. And go stark raving mad!!!
The winch for the main sail halyard was wobbly so I took it apart with Jugurtha and Jeremy's help and we tightened it back up. One problem fixed. The wind indicator has died completely. I have powered it down and will worry about it in Seattle.
The wind died right after supper so here we are again. Motoring! What's your price for flight? In finding Mr Right....Turns out Jeremy has this song on his computer. Just found this out. Tomorrow the Appa Sundowner Happy Hour will feature the musical stylings of NIGHT RANGER!!! And maybe Poison, White Lion, Van Halen, who else?
I got a great response on my Night Ranger question. Wanna play some more? What 80s band most personifies the 80s? Who should be playing front and center while we toast to the sun for another great day? I have a pretty gpod selection of 80s on my ipod. But not Night Ranger. Weird. Going to have to fix that.
Dinner tonight was by Papa Fox. Chicken curry stew over rice. For dessert we had a coconut cream cake with blueberries. Delicious.
We have about 1300 more miles to go. Our super accurate weather guy, Michael, (who was dead on yesterday about when the wind was going to fill in) wants us to think about turning toward the west coast of America around 46 degrees of latitude. If the wind switches before hand, we would love to turn early and cut some miles off the trip. Instead of a hard turn at 46 we start turning gradually at 44 or so. Either way we have another 400 miles of north to go before we can start thinking about turning.
Swear count today is 3. All of it used up battling the spinnaker pole this morning. I'd swear and then swear for swearing. Dumb. It is amazing now that I am conscious of my swearing how much everyone else swears. My ears are tuned for it or something.
Books. I just finished 4 books in the past 3 days. I don't sleep much out here so I read.
Haunted Ground by Erin Hart. Pretty good murder mystery set in Ireland.
No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy. Loved it. Better than the movie
I Drink for a Reason by David Cross. Pretty funny book. This guy doesn't like Jim Belushi at ALL.
What Looks Like Crazy On an Ordinary Day by Pearl Cleage. Pretty good also. Set in Michigan, the book follows a newly HIV infected black female as she goes back home to see her sister. I liked it.
I think I am going to start the Game of Thrones series.

We had a great day yesterday. Poled out the jib and had full sail up for most of the day, running down wind touching 9 knots at times. Currently we are yet again motoring as the wind has died down substantially. We can't seem to tie two days together without motoring. The Pacific High appears to be moving right over the top of us and that means no wind. I can't believe I'm going to write this but I hope that the gale to the west of us gets here soon. I am going to download the weather gribs here after sending this out into the web and see what we see.
Pizza was good and we ate two of them. I thought we would have some leftovers but alas, no.
We are doing pretty good in the food department. Still have frozen chicken, frozen pork, frozen Mahi, frozen brats and some awful frozen hamburgers. You know the kind, you cook them while they are still frozen. 30 grams of fat in each burger. Last resort those babies. We still have a head of cabbage, papayas, some carrots and potatoes with 5 onions. Not bad. Been out here 9 days nows. I figure another 10 or so till Seattle. If we get wind. On the leg to Honolulu we only ran the motor to charge the batteries and shut off the freezer with a week. Now, with all this motoring we have plenty of electrons to share with the freezer. The freezer is also starting to behave itself. It was running continuously when we left Hawaii. About 4 days of running. No idea why. I shut it off for a night and once I turned it back on, it was cycling like it should. Almost like a Windows computer.
Plenty of canned goods. Running out of drinking juice though. Jugurtha is starting to become unhinged at the thought of no ice. Asks for it all the time. Now he knows how we felt while in Mexico. "Please sir. Can you spare a cube? Please!" I imagine that in a British accent. I think I'll start making some ice and surprise these dogs with ice in their sundowners. Maybe. I think they are talking about me. I watch them while they sleep and they just look...guilty.
Pete has just called down the hatch and we have some wind!
More later...