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I own the last Wauquiez Centurion 42  (hull#55).

Friday, April 29, 2016

Bad news?

What do the songs Running with the Devil by Van Halen and Tom Petty's I won't back down have in common?  Heard them in my MRI last night.  Let's back up a bit. 
I thought that I could give the cancer aspect of my blog a rest but what fun is that? Wednesday the 27th I had my 6 month checkup. CT scan, blood work and rectal exam. I went alone.  Some offered to go with, others stayed silent and waited for me to invite, but I denied them all. How hard could it be?
The lead up to the appointment had me a bit nervous but really, what was there to worry about.  I had been run through the wringer chemotherapy, radiation and surgery wise. What could withstand that?
Arrived at 0700 at the Swedish Cancer Institute and started to drink my contrast for the CT scan. Banana flavored. While doing that I also had blood drawn and my port accessed. I thought ruefully that this might be my last time with my port as the plan was to get this test series done and have it removed. 
0700 in the morning!
Banana CT contrast.  All the better to see you my dear...
Alright enough setup. Had the CT scan and waited for my results.  Had about an hour till my appointment with Dr Gold.  Vitals, weight taken and charted, and then he walked in. Sorry was the first thing he said. You don't want to hear that from your oncologist unless he hits your car in the parking garage. Spot on your liver. Sorry he said again. I start to think what does that mean.  Liver cancer races across my mind. Death chases it. Familiar feeling creeps across me, touching areas I thought I'd buried. Fear. Deep fear. The not seeing my kids grow up fear.  I hope you never have that feeling.  This is twice for me.
I remember making the appointment for the MRI. Dr Gold telling them to make it for today.  I made some phone calls and then had to stop. I was coming unglued. For sure they will never ever let me go to my checkups alone. Ever. I was a wreck.
I had 45 minutes till my rectal surgeon appointment so I sat in his office waiting room. Quiet reflection I think they call it. My head felt like a bunch of monkeys fighting over a bucket of marbles. Jen calls and says she is coming. No is not an option.
Get called into the back to see Dr Pollock and he is on me. Immediately opens my chart and looks at my results. He goes over everything with me. Not optimal he says but treatable. And...one step at a time. Get the MRI. You can worry after that he says. This is why you have a good team treating you. Gold is one type of doctor and Pollock is another. I need Gold sometimes and others I need Pollock.  Rectal exam happens. I tell Dr Pollock "Either I am getting better at this or you are."  We all laugh and I feel much better. Jen walks in then. All is well.
My mom and dad come over for the MRI that night. 7pm. I have my port accessed in the cancer treatment area. There I run into two people who have given me chemo last year. Like old friends we chat and have fun joking around. I almost miss that chemo routine. Almost.
MRI done. Home to kiss the kids goodnight and then wait. 
This is waiting for me at Jen's house when I got back from MRI!  I also asked the 8 ball if everything was going to be OK.   It said Yes...
Had Chinese food after the MRI.  My fortune. 
Got up after fitful sleep and went to the boat to check on progress. Just marking time till 1:30 pm. I'm getting better at waiting although I'm still no good at it. 
Just prior to leaving for the MRI results.  I have my cancer shirt on.  For luck.
My mother and I met Jen at Dr Gold's office.  Dr. Gold, Alice the RN and Peggy the scheduler are waiting for me. With smiles. MRI shows nothing. Nada.  CT was wrong. I am cancer free. Disbelief just about shuts me down. I have no words for how I felt. Elation and relief with a hint of mistrust maybe. Stunned into silence. You have to understand that I am worse case scenario boy. I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me.
Hugs, handshakes and we are out the door. Visit was so brief, we didn't have to pay for parking!
Thanks and love to those of you that had to deal with my panicked first reaction. 
Next checkup in three months.  But first a colonscopy.  I'll get that every year now.  Easy peasy.

The two main reasons I'm fighting this goddamn disease.  Cancer!  Back the hell up!

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