Lost and found?

I always felt somewhat bulletproof.  I rode my motorcycle with no helmet, never wore seat belts till they started ticketing, I bucked every single safety thing because I thought that it wouldn't happen to me.  And it didn't.  Nothing.  Coming home from a party on my motorcycle.  No helmet.  70 mph around this sweeping left turn.  Had a nice beer buzz on, sun out, warm, in a T-shirt and shorts, loving life.  Swung into the turn and over corrected, went off the road into the gravel then bounced into the weeds, jammed the handlebars over and popped back onto the road.  To this day, I have no idea why or how I didn't crash.  I sure should have. 

I have, like most of you, hugged that poor SOB with a new diagnosis of whatever and telling them how sorry I was, thinking I was immune from that.  Bad things happened to others, not to me.  And I have seen some bad stuff happen to people.  

But now I am getting a sense of how short life can be.  Waiting for those CT results to see if the cancer had spread to my liver really messed with my head.  I know how it CAN end for me.  The mystery is gone in a way.   Like I found an expiration date on myself.  The date is hazy and I can't quite make it out but it is there and I feel like I've lost something...innocence maybe.  I don't know much about life but I do know I'll never feel like I used to.  

I went to the appointment with Seattle Cancer Care Alliance this Wednesday.  Lots of sick people there.  It's not too depressing though.  The staff was very upbeat.  It seems so screwy to think that I would be spending the rest of my life in and out of this place for rechecks.  In a year I wonder what I will think of all this?  Long road ahead that is for sure.  I won't have to worry about qualifying for life insurance... 

Linear accelerator!  Part of my radiation treatment program. 

This doesn't look expensive at all...

The place to be I guess.  The SCCA.

The view out my window.

I met with my cancer team today.  Mind you this was my second opinion visit (never mind that I didn't have my first visit with the Swedish docs yet), my "I wonder if I want to go to SCCA and get treated here" visit.  First up was meeting my new oncologist Dr Stacey Shiovitz.  She said right off the bat that I have a MRI ordered for Friday.  Wow.  They move it right along here.  Dr. Shiovitz is really nice and knowledgeable.  We had a great visit and went over what to expect.  Then I had my blood drawn for genetic testing.  I might have Lynch Syndrome which means I am at risk for skin, brain, colon, gallbladder, etc. cancer.  My offspring is also at risk for cancer.  Sam has to get checked at 36 years old.  I wonder if I'll live long enough to see that.  My brother already has his GI consult in the works.  I believe my cousin Eric is also getting checked.  Good on them.  Get checked.  I'm here to tell you.  Get.  Checked.

Then I went upstairs for my flexible sigmoidoscopy  and to meet Dr Krane who will be the surgeon that will open me up.  She is from the East Coast but did all her training in Chicago and recently moved her.  Her and I ripped on Seattle drivers and generally really hit it off.  I really like her.  Business but fun.  I also met the RN that will be following me for the next five years, Deb.  She is fun and cool also.  Had the sig scope thing done and Dr Krane was very optimistic about me being able to have my ileostomy reversed...in 7 months...unreal.  By then I suppose, it will be old hat.  Of all the things that bug me about this cancer, it is that damn ileostomy.  I just hate the thought of it.  Hate it.

After talking with the surgeon for about an hour, we had an appointment with my radiation oncologist Dr Koh.  This guy was great also.  We ate up an hour of his time and when we were done he told me "We are going to beat this thing.".  I sure hope to hell that we do.

Friday I go to back to SCCA for a MRI of my abdomen.  Of course I'll have to have more blood drawn and IVs.  Monday is University of Washington for genetic counselling and then back over to SCCA for the MRI results meeting with my team of doctors.  The MRI is better at detecting cancer spread so it will tell us if I am truly screwed or not.  Great.  I get to wait all weekend for that result.  

This is poisonous.  You have to be trained to administer it so you don't get sick.  I will get injected with about a gallon of it over the course of my treatment.

So it will shake out like this-

6 weeks of pill form chemo with radiation.  Pill is twice a day and radiation is every day for one hour.

I get 6-10 weeks off from that and then surgery.  6 days in the hospital and I might get to go home and then 2 weeks recovery at home hopefully.  This is assuming I have regular surgery.  Dr Krane says she will first try to do a laparoscopic surgery and if that doesn't work they will gut me like a fish.  With a laparoscopic surgery, the incisions are smaller and the healing time is quicker.  They are taking out a big chunk of my colon.  That gets messy so I'll get infected probably.  I was told to figure another possible hospital admit for that.   They'll try to minimize it but it is a messy surgery.

Let's say 4-6 weeks after surgery, I start the heavy duty chemo.  That is for 5 months.  I go in once every two weeks for an infusion of one drug and I get to take a pump home and infuse another drug over 2 days.  

After 5 months of that, if all goes well, I rest for a month or so and then they might be able to reverse the bag hanging off my side.

Maybe by my birthday (end of October) I will be done with chemotherapy. <Sigh> 

I have to say the support I am getting have been remarkable.  The folks I work with are just awesome.  Such support and love.  They are the best.  Of course I would be remiss to not mention my family and friends.  Love you guys!

Here is that Mercedes commercial I mention?  I think it is really well done.  Brings a tear to my eye.