The 18th I have my next appointment. This is with the oncologist Dr Gold. I hope he has the...Midas touch. Seems like a long time away. But when compared to how long I'll have an ileostomy, one week ain't so bad.
My big question is do I wait for SCCA? That appointment is on the 29th of December. If I wait for them, everything waits. A couple weeks might not make a big difference but to me it feels dangerous. <edit> Just got off the phone with them and they are trying to get me in sooner. Maybe next week. Evidently they are super busy. <edit, edit> The 17th of December I have my appointment at SCCA. That is a good thing.
While working on the boat yesterday I was handling epoxy and thought to myself, I better get more gloves, I don't want to get cancer. It is moments like that when this feels almost dream like (well nightmare). The anger has more or less passed and now I am left with this feeling of uncertainty. School is helping to keep my mind off the fear though. Finals next week and I'll be so glad when this class is over. Nursing Research and Statistics. Ugh. What a semester.
I am starting to rally and feel like this isn't the end of the world. The outpouring out love and support has been nothing short of amazing. While I never say it was worth getting this disease to experience that love, I stand in wonder of it.
Pete J., who knows a thing or two about abdominal surgery and almost nothing about sailing, told me yesterday that this will be a marathon. Conserve energy and be ready for anything. There will be setbacks aplenty I am sure but also times of inspiration and joy.
If I make it 5 years, my survival rate goes up pretty good. 5 years of waiting. Life will be moving ahead as usual. Sam will be in 4th grade, Ben in 9th grade and Max will done with school and maybe college. Jen will be be as lovely as ever. I'll be out of school also come to think of it. That is one more reason to beat this thing. No sense in dying AFTER I complete school.
My big question is do I wait for SCCA? That appointment is on the 29th of December. If I wait for them, everything waits. A couple weeks might not make a big difference but to me it feels dangerous. <edit> Just got off the phone with them and they are trying to get me in sooner. Maybe next week. Evidently they are super busy. <edit, edit> The 17th of December I have my appointment at SCCA. That is a good thing.
While working on the boat yesterday I was handling epoxy and thought to myself, I better get more gloves, I don't want to get cancer. It is moments like that when this feels almost dream like (well nightmare). The anger has more or less passed and now I am left with this feeling of uncertainty. School is helping to keep my mind off the fear though. Finals next week and I'll be so glad when this class is over. Nursing Research and Statistics. Ugh. What a semester.
I am starting to rally and feel like this isn't the end of the world. The outpouring out love and support has been nothing short of amazing. While I never say it was worth getting this disease to experience that love, I stand in wonder of it.
Pete J., who knows a thing or two about abdominal surgery and almost nothing about sailing, told me yesterday that this will be a marathon. Conserve energy and be ready for anything. There will be setbacks aplenty I am sure but also times of inspiration and joy.
If I make it 5 years, my survival rate goes up pretty good. 5 years of waiting. Life will be moving ahead as usual. Sam will be in 4th grade, Ben in 9th grade and Max will done with school and maybe college. Jen will be be as lovely as ever. I'll be out of school also come to think of it. That is one more reason to beat this thing. No sense in dying AFTER I complete school.
No comments:
Post a Comment