Almost pulled it off

I had this plan to take Sam to see Cinderella.  We were going to dress up!

Masterplan was this:

1. Buy awesome Prince Charming costume
2. Buy awesome Cinderella costume for Sam (thanks Jen and Grandma!)
3. Have neighbor's daughter, who is friends with Sam, get awesome costume
4. Take photos in the sunshine at dock
5. Go see Cinderella and possibly get in for free because of, well, awesomeness!
6. Grab some Chinese food after free movie.
7. Get check from Chinese place but we owe nothing because of...wait for it...awesomeness once again.
8. Take kids home
9. Get some sleep for work the next day

This is how it went down:

1. 1 through 3 done.
2. Taking Sam off of the boat, slipper gets caught on rail and falls into water.
3. Put Sam down and almost lose keys and cell phone in water trying to grab shoe that while made of rubber, sinks like a damn stone.
4. Ask Sam if tennis shoes are OK.  They are, of course, not OK!!
5. Beg for couple of photos and get a half-hearted OK.
6. Go back to boat and change back into street clothes.
7. Wear crowns to the movie and while awesome, not enough for free movie.
8. Surprised self by how much I enjoyed Cinderella.  I even cried but that could be the cancer.  Yeah, the cancer made me cry.
9. Sam loved the movie and so did Kaley.
10. Went to get Chinese food and had to pay full price.
11. Dropped off kids.
12. Hit the sack.

I guess the real Cinderella lost her slipper but that was AFTER the ball.  All is well though.  Neighbors retrieved the slipper while we were at the movie.  I had to reassure Sam over and over that we could get her slipper back.
Sam wants to see the movie again and I do also actually.  Going to take my mother and we are going to try the dress up thing again.  NEVER QUIT!!!

This does NOT float!!

If she wore mascara, you would be able to see the streaks from the tears...

Ctrl Alt Delete...reset

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. ~Mark Twain

Spent last weekend in San Diego seeing family and friends.  Stayed in Mission Bay area almost on the beach.  Went running most every morning on the beach with my mom and then tooled around the SD area taking it all in.
My step-brother along with his wife and daughter took us out on an Azimuth 54.

$2,500,000!!

I was driving the boat home from Coronado and was told to let the dogs off the chain.  I pushed the throttles to the stops and the twin Volvo turbo-diesels, churning out 750 HP each, hustled us quickly to almost 50mph.  See those cushions on the bow?  They flew up and over the flybridge.  Had to circle around and get those things.

I did High Mass with my good friend Michael who had his son with him.  My mother also attended.  It was all in Latin and a very beautiful ceremony.  Lots and lots of sitting , standing, and kneeling.  I am glad I went.  We left church and hit the road to take out that 54 footer.

The weather our entire stay was hot and sunny.  The boat ride was fantastic and I can't thank my brother enough for the good time. He let me drive the boat all day.  We cruised around the old carrier Midway and took the boat into nooks and crannies in the SD Bay area and then over to Coronado Island and had dinner.

Once at Coronado, we met up with Eric and Charlotte and their two kids Lyra and Cora.  Cora is the one that brightened my mood during my last blog writing attempt with that great picture.

Lyra and Cora

Trying to do a selfie+1

Eric and Charlotte

Here is Pete J. along with Pete, son of  Pete, Charlotte , Cora and myself and I think I see Pete's daughter off to the right, Calena (sorry if I spelled that wrong) 

On our day of departure, we met up with Lee and her husband John.  Lee and John helped us last year with Appa while we were in Newport Beach getting ready to do the trip down to Mexico.  They are the BEST!!

Ilse and Lee

Thanks to Pete J. for driving down and hanging with us and also Lee and John for doing the same.  Props to my brother Pete who let me drive that boat.  Good times!!

Sunset photo from the Mission Bay Beach.  Saturday night I think.

I didn't take many pics.  My mom has some more and I'll try to get them.

Here are some recent ones from Seattle.  Just random stuff...

Sam in gymnastics class

Completed her first round of gym class

Ben and Easton completed their class also.  Medals for EVERYONE!!!

My little girl!

This Tuesday I am taking Sam to see Cinderella.  We are going to dress up.  I'm going as Prince Charming and she is going as...Cinderella as pictured above.  Actually that is a Jasmine outfit but Sam doesn't like blue dresses.  Then we are going for Chinese.  At her request!  Damn she is growing up fast.

Ben and I are going to San Diego on April 7th through the 9th to visit Legoland.  Just him and I.  Cashed in some miles and we are going First Class. We rented a car and then we'll hit the park.  Got a place on the beach also.

Trying to get some time in with these kids.  I work every other weekend and it seems like I never see them.  I will be working right up to my surgical date I think.  Or at least try to.  I'm still struggling with the time off, no vacation time or enough sick time, and the fact that I don't qualify for the Family Medical Leave Act.  Pretty sure it will work out but I don't know.

Surgery on April 24th and then 6 weeks of recovery.  Then chemo.  That's how it stands.  I am doing fairly well.  Not thrilled with the upcoming bullshit but I have to do it so stay the course.

 

I have a date...

I make no apologies for this post.  <edit> It is hard for me to write these posts.  When I first started this post, I was full of anger.  Then, a couple hours later while I was still writing this post, I got an email.  That email diffused me.  Every day is like this.  Anger and then something wonderful will happen.  Sustaining rage is, I find, a very hard thing to do. So I'll let this post stand.  Swear words and all. 

April 24th I go in for surgery.  0530 in the morning.  I am the first and only case the Dr Pollock will do that day.  Five to six hours of surgery.  I will wake up (hopefully) with an ileostomy and a foley catheter along with a nice big surgical incision.  Don't know what those are?  Click on the words at your own risk.

This is the part that makes me so god damn angry about this.  I feel fine right now.  Aches and pains along with some bowel issues but I am getting better every day.  I feel almost normal at times.  By April 24th, if I keep getting healthier, I will feel absolutely normal.  Then I go and get all screwed up by the surgery.  Six weeks of recovery.  SIX WEEKS!!  Then I get six months of having the ileostomy and undergoing chemo at the same time.  Oh I know, I will feel better eventually.  The doctors are saying 18 months after my surgery I will be at my new normal.  My new normal.  I fucking hate this cancer.  FUCKING HATE IT!!!!

I would be lying if I was to say that I have not entertained the thought of not doing the surgery.  Some people do that.  Get the chemo and radiation and then skip surgery.  Some people also have the cancer come back.  And when it does come back, it is like the Six Million Dollar Man.  Better, stronger, faster...

I am exhausted by this.  Drained from worrying, drained from trying to put on a brave face, drained from keeping the fear at bay.  As the date gets closer, I wonder how I can keep this up.

I really thought that after I got the surgery date I would feel better.  Being on the path the wellness and all that happy crappy.  Nope.  I am full of anger and fear.  More anger than anything else.  This is the kicker though.  When I saw Dr Pollock for the initial consult, I got some good news.  I had to do yet another rectal exam  first with the finger (my surgeon is a large man with big fingers...) and then a sigmoidscope.  They injected air into my bowel so he could see.  It hurts.  They have a metal bar you hang onto while they do this.  They offer you a stick to bit on.  I am not kidding.  Anyway, he couldn't see the tumor.  It is gone.  There is an area that looks like an ulcer and it is healing.  So I had good response to the radiation and the chemo.  This was just a quick exam.  I have the really test to see how well I responded to the treatment in 4 weeks or so. Good news right?  I should be jumping for joy right?  Not really.  I am haunted by this specter of surgery.  I cannot shake it.  And it is only getting closer.

In the end though, this is how am I getting by in my day to day.   Love from friends and family.

As I was writing this blog full of anger and hate, I got this email from my good friend Eric.  His wonderful daughter drew this.  And I feel better.

This is me.  I look good.  Healthy and the sun is out.  Grass looks cut and the flowers are HUGE!  Just the way I like them.  Thanks to Cora for drawing this for me.  I LOVE it!

I hang out with these two creatures and I feel better.

Had dinner with Jugurtha, Samira and the little critter standing on the table.  And that made me feel better.

I got a hug from a friend I haven't seen in awhile and I feel better.

I couldn't do this without my family and friends.  And I suppose that is how I will get through this.  Drag all of you through this with me.  For that, I love ya!