This is what Johnny Cash and I think of cancer!
Yesterday I went to see the surgeon and have scar tissue removed from the area they removed the tumor. Yes. Down there. Knees tucked to chest and deep breathe is the only advice I can give. They do not knock you out for this. It was...the hardest thing I have done I think. They use a dilator so they can fit tools in the rectal area to remove the tissue. If this is hard to read about, it is worse in person. Took 10 minutes or so. They have a bar to hold onto and a pillow to bite. The pain was unbelievable. Oh, they also inject air to see better. Alright enough of that.
The surgeon says I look great down there and in September they will test the connection he made with contrast dye and see if it leaks. No leak and then I am set for reconnection end of October that is if I can stay on schedule with the chemotherapy.
The oxaclepatin has culminative side effects. Every time I get it, the side effects are more intense. Hot and cold give me pain and shock type feeling to hands and feet. I'm tired quite a bit. Cold drinks give me spasms of the esophagus. I think I covered this so, let us move along.
I am not working yet and won't till end of July at least. We are taking the boat up to the San Juan islands on the 5th of July for two weeks since I don't have chemo. So during my downtime I have been trying to get Appa ready to go. She needed a new depth sounder as the old one died. This meant hauling the boat out and having her in the slings while we changed the transducer out. Then the next morning, we splashed her. No leaks and I can now tell how deep it is. Good thing to know when your boat takes 8 feet of water to float in and rocks abound in the San Juans.
Getting hauled out. They have a scale in the haul out rig. Appa weighs 28,000 pounds. Weighing myself for chemo today, 177 pounds. I started this ordeal out at 200. Which was way to much.
My buddy Chris helping with the thru-hull. David is in the boat helping.
Where the transducer goes. The hull is about an inch thick here.
So as crappy as I feels sometimes, I just push through and work on the boat or hang with the kids. Sam is in soccer on Saturdays and this week is doing horseback riding camp. Ben has JavaScript programming class this month also at the University of Washington. Neither kid is interested in sailing camp this year.
Sam hanging in the bosun's chair. She swings around up there happy as all hell. Ben also. He taught her.
Oma and Opa with the kids on Appa.
Saw Willie Nelson Saturday! Thanks Chris and David. Allison Krause opened for him. Great concert.
I had a hot dog and a couple beers at the concert. I have strange cravings. Hot dogs one day, hamburgers the next. Tuna salad. Or chicken salad.
In my oncologist appointment today we started talking cars. In my downtime, I've started watching Top Gear which is a BBC program about cars. It is one of the most popular programs in the world. Anyway, Dr. Gold drives an Audi s8. He wants an R8. That is the type of car that Iron Man has in the movies. He showed me a video of him test driving one. Cool car. Anyway, I'm not an Audi fan. I told him about my brother working for Ford and the discount etc. He ordered me to go buy a new Ford Mustang GT. Ordered me. I was going to get one as a consolation prize for getting and dealing with this cancer once all my procedures are done. He told me not to wait that long. He is expecting me to have a Mustang with proof of pictures when I come back for my next treatment. What to do? I mean it is doctors orders...
Not quite this wild I should think.
All in all, I'm ok. Got crap days and good ones. Good seem to be outnumbering the bad and I'll take that any day of the week. How many people on chemo can go out with friends to an outdoor concert and have a couple beers? Maybe all of them, but I don't think so.
I had an epiphany a couple weeks ago. Standing the shower I was reflecting on my increasing short temper and impatience with everyone from my kids to my life. Back before surgery, I was trying to stave off the impending hard times that were coming. I lived every day slowly. I took my time with everything. I had patience (Ok. More patience than normal). After the surgery I did the same thing, take things slow. I have cancer, I get a break now. Slow the hell down. Make the days last. Now though. Now I'm in the chemo part of my therapy. And I want it DONE!! NOW! If I could throw a switch, I would leap forward to October and be done with this damn awful chemotherapy. My skin doesn't feel right, I ache where I never have before, I shake quite a bit from the Oxaclepatin. Texting is an adventure at times. This underlying thought of speeding past months of MY life just so I can feel better is paramount in my life right now. It is also not a good thing.
I am trying to slow down and enjoy this ride. As awful as it is, I should still embrace the good with the bad. I fail miserably at times but I also have moments of tranquility. Having NEVER been patient, I find this is a hard thing to do but I imagine on my death bed, I would give anything to have back all the moments that I wasted with my worrying and foul mood.
I think a new Mustang would help.
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