A bit of poison, a bit of sailing and...bunnies!

Been awhile since my last post. Not much energy but I want to get some of this down for me to read years from now. Hopefully. Maybe my kids will get a sense of me from this. If it goes pear shaped that is.  

Three weeks ago, more or less, I had to skip my chemo treatment.  I was having diarrhea really bad and had what we call in the medical field an "incident". I'm trying really hard to not let this cancer change my life too much. I want to play with the kids, have fun, work, and sail. I want to do these things.  My son Ben was at the boat with me and we inflated the kayak for a spin around the marina. If Ben wants to do something that involves floating on the water, I do it. Was having diarrhea all day but taking lots of fluids in and thought I was ok.  After paddling around for a bit, we came back to the dock and once Ben got out of the kayak, I followed. Barely.  Got on the dock, stood, and had my vision tighten to a tunnel about the size of a dime. I came close to falling in the 50 degree water. No life jacket of course. I could have drowned I imagine. This is what is called a near syncopal episode. I almost passed out.  Or "fell out" if you are from the south side of Chicago. Realizing I was going to have problems, I sat on the dock and just rested.  I didn't call my oncologist and boy did that pissed him off. Imagine a furious doctor shoving his pager in my face saying, 'See this magical device?  You call this number and this thing beeps.  I then call you back!". He went on to say nurses are the worse patients in the world.  I tend to agree. 

So since the chemo causes the diarrhea, Dr Gold withheld treatment.  It was all I could do to not cry. This damn chemo makes me weepy as hell.  I did stay and have a liter of fluid pumped into me to fill my tank so to speak.  Long story a bit longer, I now take immodium at the first sign of the runs and have the pager number on my phone. So far so good.  

Last week I got infused with the chemo but he withheld the "evil" chemo (oxaliplatin) till this week. Which I am getting right now. I've been weak and tired and also not sleeping well but basically doing ok.  At times I feel like I'm out of gas. I just get tired of fighting all the time. Fighting to look normal (for me).  Fighting to act normal (again, for me). Just fighting. All the time. However, I bounce back from those feelings and just soldier on.  Not much choice really. All I can say is I hope to hell this treatment works.  I have stuff I want, nay, need to do.  

To prove that it hasn't been all bad, I'll post some pictures. 

Chemo shirt last week.  Lee and John from Newport Beach got me this.  

Today's chemo shirt

Not this past weekend but last weekend on Sunday, I was sitting on the boat alone.  Kids gone to Jen's parents beach house, my parents were entertaining friends from out of town, and I decided I was getting the hell out of dodge. I said before that chemo makes me crave certain foods. Hot dogs and relish are currently my favorites. Hot dogs!  They probably gave me this damn cancer!  Anyway, I had hot dogs, buns and most importantly...

RELISH! 

Anyway back to me sailing Appa single handed, I left the marina under clear skies and a north wind blowing around 10 knots. I think it was about 2 in the pm.  Clearing the marina and hoisting the sails took a lot out of me but once the sails are up, it is easy peasy. While not Mustang fast, Appa can move a bit and she put her shoulder down and nudged the waves to the side as she made for Port Madison across the Puget Sound. We (the boat and I) hit 7 to 8 knots and I had a beer in celebration of all that can be good in life. 

There is nothing-absolutely-nothing half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.  I have no other words to describe the pure joy of a well sailed boat. 

The arrow points to Shileshole which is home. I sailed back and forth and then went to Liberty Bay and anchored. Was just a phenomenonal day. 

Sunset in Liberty Bay. Nuff said. 

Monday morning I raised anchor and had a hell of a time getting the anchor out of the mud. That is heavy, sticky bay mud right there.   Most of it slid off before I could get my phone and snap a picture. 

I managed to sail almost all the way home but got wiped out tacking back and forth and had to motor for a bit and rest. Oh well. Still was fun. 

Last Tuesday my mom took me to chemo. It was suppose to be the evil chemo but since I had the past history of diarrhea, they did the good chemo. That bummed me out. 

Today went ok. Got the oxcepliatin today. Aka evil chemo. Fingers tingling now and tear ducts along with saliva glands hurt now. Only while making fluid though. My brother sent me a picture of my uncle Gordon who died from lung cancer, what is it now, 3 years ago I think. That made me cry and it hurt. Heart hurt from sadness and tears ducts ached also. Weird drugs coursing through my system. 

Gordon circa 1974 or so. My brother Kristopher with the Mae West life jacket and the infamous dog Rumpelstilzchen. Rumple for short. Rumple is just in front of my brother.  Ah hell. I miss you Gordon...

 

This past weekend, I sailed with my good buddies JC, Chris, Brooke, Rich, Easton, and Kaley in the CYC sailfest Fridays. They have extra hotdog relish unlike Elliott Bay Downtown Series. No wind and they eventually called off the race but we hung out on the water and enjoyed the night anyway.

JC and Rich trying to get us moving in light to no wind. Me pointing at something. 

I really have to work on my smile. This is Chris and I. A better friend than I deserve. He is...simply one of the best people I know. He is my brother from another mother. Love ya Chris. 

Damn J105 behind us in the photo. 😀

Saturday my mom and dad came over to the boat and we took Appa out for a sail back to Liberty Bay and visited the town of Poulsbo. It was another stunning day with perfect wind. We managed to sail all the way to Poulsbo. Trust me.  It is hard to do.  Our patience was rewarded with a great sail. You sail the wind you have not the wind you wish for.   Life lesson there I think. 

Dad guiding us through the light wind till we got into the good stuff. 

One Wednesday last week, I met Jen and the kids with my parents at the Seattle Yacht Club back to school party.  They had a balloon artist, who immediately ran out of pink and purple balloons. How in the hell do you run out of pink and purple balloons?  The girls in line were crushed. The yacht club also had a climbing wall. Inflatable climbing wall. 

Mighty Sam climbing the wall of terror!

Benny climbing the wall of kinda of scary. 

I should mention that Ben meet us at the yacht club after climbing Mt Si for one of his friends birthday celebration. 

Felix (birthday boy), Benny and Josiah

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_Si

At the top!  Pretty cool thing for a birthday party. 

Kids got rabbits this month also. 

Here is a photo of Ben's bunny RexE. 

Very friendly bunny. 

Sam has one also named Stella. 

Not quite as friendly as Rex but getting used to Sam 

Loving Stella to death. Maybe literally. 

I'm out of gas. Can't blog anymore. Too tired. Chemo today is kicking me. I'll be back and kick it though. 

I could have had a V8!

Here I am once again getting my veins filled with a Neapolitan carpet cleaner distilled from the Adriatic. Another week of oddball side effects and feeling like I can be pushed over by bunnies using a feather.   The weakness I experienced last time on this medicine was unbelievable. However I still managed to get out sailing, go to a wedding, and stay out late (for one night anyhow).  

Dave and Julie finally tied the knot this last weekend. They are some of my favorite people on this planet and I am so happy for them.  They got married at Sunset Bluff Park in Ballard this last Saturday.  It is a beautiful spot overlooking the Puget Sound.  

Some people are meant to be together and these two complete each other. Glad they have found each other. 

Michael, Amie and Allie flew out for the wedding along with Pete and Rachelle. We went out sailing on Appa last Thursday doing the Elliot Bay Downtown Series.  Onboard we had Michael, Aime, Allie, David, Pete, Chris, and myself. We had an awful start as we were late to the race but still a managed to claw our way to 14th place out of almost 50 boats. I am never happier than behind the helm of my boat with a bunch of friends, nay family, rolling over the rest of the fleet.  To sail with such a bunch of talented sailors is pure joy to me.  Everyone should have a chance to be as happy as I was last Thursday. Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.  If my kids could have been there, I probably would have exploded with love. 

Post race at Elliot Bay Marina. This is the last known photo of David as a unmarried man. 

Sammy and Rachelle before going to dinner last Friday. These two just love each other.

We went to Drunky's BBQ Friday night. Michael, Aime, Allie, Pete, Rachelle, Pat, and myself along with my two kids and Easton had a great dinner and very enjoyable conversation. 

The three Kings in my life!!

My son Ben is starting to get into cars. He plays some driving games and is starting to recognize different cars on the road.  Being a bit of a car nut, I thought I'd foster this love of cars.  Today's kids, especially here in Seattle, just don't have a connection with cars.  They could care less about driving.  Of course can you blame them?  Traffic here sucks.  

After dropping Sam off at her friend's house, Ben and I went to the local Ford dealer and drove this...

2015 Ford Mustang GT. The honest-to-God American built V8 throws 435 horsepower to the rear wheels.  My old 1986 Mustang GT had 200 hp!

We were met in the parking lot by Igor the salesman. Igor is from Brazil and a nice quiet guy.  He doesn't seem like much of a car guy though.  After the initial typical bullshit of dealing with Igor's spiel, they threw the keys at me and we were off.

Poor Ben. I don't think he has ever been in a fast car. Cars to him are used for only one thing, getting from A to B. Knowing this, I planned on showing him what gasoline fueled mayhem was all about.  

Ben crawled into the tiny backseat area and buckled in.  He kept saying how nice the seats were back there and how well he fit.  He can't fool me.  I know those seats are for small house pets and children.  Ben won't fit back there after a growth spurt I'll bet.  Anyway, with a push of the button, the V8 roared to life.  Briefly.  I killed it almost immediately with my crappy clutch work.  Clearly I couldn't drive this thing like my V6 manual transmission truck.  Once I got the Mustang's clutch sorted out, we were off.

Magazine articles claim the Mustang can go from a standstill to 60 mph in just over 4 ssconds. I got close to that I think. With my foot firmly planted in the carpet, that V8 made a sound that can only be described as intoxicating. I was hooked. Igor the salesman had his eyes closed and was hugging himself with his head leaned back.  He was trying to find his happy place I guess. Ben was wide-eyed with wonder.  I could see him thinking "Holy shit!! Cars can be fun?!?"

After a bit of city driving, we took the Mustang out onto the freeway.  My plan was to keep my foot planted to the firewall and keep it there till Igor yelled "STOP!!"  I pulled onto the ramp to the freeway and drove that car like a rental.  Short of my old motorcycle, I have never gone that fast that quickly. The car screamed up to 100 mph and Igor was deathly silent, eyes closed and he was rigid in his seat.  Briefly touching 105 mph, I backed off.  Had my kid in the car after all. Once we got down to 70 mph or so, Ben just started babbling like a brook.  "I love this car.  What colors does it come in? Are we taking this car home today? Imagine me being dropped off at school in this.  Omg!! I can't wait for school to start.  Seth can fit back here I think.  For sure Tripp.  He's really short."  This went on for a bit.  I loved it. He might have the bug now.  

We got back to the dealer and took a different Mustang out at the urging of Igor's manager. This time I turned off the traction control to do some wheel spinning. Igor never said a word.  He did seem hesitant to get back in the car for a second go around though. 

Ben did some research once we got back home and wants this one-

I like it.  My brother works for Ford so I get a special price on their products.  This one would cost me out the door $34,000. Lord have mercy that is a chunk of change.

That is about it for now.  Almost done with my infusion and I'm getting run down. I'm doing ok though.  Better than most on my flavor of chemotherapy. 

Thanks for all the prayers and well wishing. I haven't felt like talking on the phone much so I'm sorry if I don't answer or return calls.  I'll try to be better about that.

Back in the saddle...

Truer words have never been printed...thanks for the shirt Chris!

It has been two weeks since my last chemo treatment. A bit more actually. However, today I am back at it. Also I am getting the "bad" chemo. Once again I can't have cold drinks and reaching into the fridge or freezer is an adventure.  Well, as long as this works, I can deal with it.  At least they didn't miss accessing my port today.

On the 3rd of July I took Appa over to Liberty Bay for the annual fireworks there. My good friend Chris went with and we rafted up to David and Julie. Great time. On the 4th, Chris and I headed back to Shileshole marina and David headed down to Quartermaster Harbor for their 4th of July firework celebration. Once at the dock, I started to get the boat ready for our trip to the San Juan Islands. My mom and dad showed up around 6pm and Jen dropped the kids off around that time also. On the 5th, at 7 am, we shoved off the dock and caught the ebbing tide to Roche Harbor. Had a great transit to about Port Townsend and then hoisted the sails and took off across the Strait of Juan de Fuca. One of the best and fastest trips north ever.  Arrived at the Seattle Yacht Club Henry Island outstation around 5 pm. We were travelling with two other boats, Sand Dollar and Dolphin Quest. They pulled in around 8 or 9 as they left a bit later than us. 

7 am comes early sometimes. No wind till we reached the Strait. There was a ton of haze from multiple fires on Vancouver Island. 

A bit of a nap while motoring. 

Making breakfast underway. 

Here is my Benny. Reading his book for a change. That boy loves his screentime but then again I do also. 

My bio dad has been dead now for years. This is my step-father Pete. I was taking a nap on deck while in Friday Harbor and woke to Sam and Opa playing Uno.  Ilse was also napping.  Sam then changed the game to a hybrid version of Uno.  This went on for a bit and then they started to play hide and seek. While on the boat!  So cute. Then Sam conned Pete into watching a Barbie movie with her. Once the movie was over, Pete came back on deck and said "I should get a free pass to heaven for watching that Barbie movie!". 

This is hard to put into words but I am happy that Sam has a chance to know Pete. She calls him Opa and they really connected during this trip.  I find it unfair though that my daughter and son (Ben met Arne in Florida and does kinda remember him) will never know Arne. I never knew my grandfathers. I have a vague recollection of my mother's dad but never knew my dad's dad.  By all accounts he was a great man. Died of stomach cancer before I was born.  Had I known Butch, would I have turned out differently?  I wonder what my cousins Eric and Heidi think about not having Butch around. Jen's brother's kids go with their grandparents to Wisconsin for a month and live on a farm. What an experience that has to be.  Maybe I'm wistful about the whole grandparents thing cause I feel cheated and I think my kids are being cheated also.  Hell, Eric and Heidi were cheated too.  Jen's dad has dementia and the kids won't know him.   Thankfully Jen's mom is doing well and is a part of their lives.   I did live with my grandmother on my dad's side but my mom's mom died before I could know her.  She died of, wait for it...cancer. 

Here is Sam and Oma at the Henry Island outstation. Sam and my mother really bonded during this trip.  

We spent the night at Henry Island and then in the morning headed over to Bedwell Harbor which is in Canada on South Pender Island. Bedwell has a nice hike to the top of Mt. Norman and also a nice swimming pool and hot tub. 

We took  Easton from Sand Dollar with us to Bedwell. 

My little buddy Easton!

Upon landing at Bedwell you have to check into Canada. The captain of the vessel is the only one allowed to get off the boat.  We got the boat secured and I headed up the dock to the border patrol office.  It is much easier to check into Canada then to check back into the USA.   Once in the office the border patrol officer noticed a bulge under my shirt and after introducing himself he inquired about it.  It does look like a holster I suppose. I lifted my shirt and said one word, "cancer". Things went smoothly after that. 

We spent two days at Bedwell. Love that place. 

The crew of Appa, Sand Dollar and Dolphin Quest just before our 6 mile hike to the top of Mt. Norman. 

The boys hiked on anything and everything. 

The hike could be a metaphor for my cancer. Really tough trail at times. 

At the top. 

My kids did great on the hike. Ben never complained and Sam did once in awhile. We told stories while hiking to keep her mind off the trail. My uncle Lynn used to tell me Bowser the dog stories. I changed that a bit to Bowser the Mahi Mahi. This Bowser is a fish that tries to help other fish in the ocean. It is a work in progress. 

On the way down, four of us got stung by wasps. I got it once on the calf.  Shauna got stung and so did Dylan from Dolphin Quest. Poor, poor Sam got hit 5 times. Five freaking times. Oh the screaming and crying. We had two more miles to go at that point. I cannot carry Sam. She worked her way down and once at the trail head, we jumped into the dinghy and roared to Appa. Some Tylenol and Motrin given and Sam started to feel better. What a girl!  

Papa Fox aka Pat met us in Bedwell on his boat Subira which is an Islander 36 Freeport. He has been working nonstop on his boat and got enough done on her to actually use the boat rather than work on it. He stayed with us for the entire trip.

The next day we headed to Ganges which is a nice little town with a proper grocery store. Seattle Yacht Club has an outstation there also and once docked we headed up to Moby's and had lunch. We sailed almost the whole way. Sand Dollar and Dolphin Quest went to Portland Island instead of following us.  They would then head to Buchart Gardens and other places.  We would meet up again back in the USA at Stuart Island in Reid Harbor on the 14th. 

After Ganges we motored over to North Pender Island at a really cool place called Otter Bay. They have two swimming pools and a nice little cafe and grocery store. Small grocery store. Pat followed us over and we had a delicious dinner of brats and potatoe salad. 

Appa in Otter Bay. 

I spy with my little eyes ORCAS!  They were not very close though. 

I had to have Ben back in Friday Harbor on Sunday the 12th. He had computer camp on the 13th back in Seattle. Jen drove to Anacortes and then took the ferry to Friday Harbor. She also brought along an inflatable kayak that she purchased for me.  It is an Innova Swing II.  Two person model.  Super light and cool.  

Saturday we headed back to Roche Harbor and checked back into the US.  Pretty painless as far as checking back into your own country can go.  Had really nice officers there this time.  I have had some real ball busters over the years.  We  headed back to Henry Island and spent the night at the outstation again.  Pat got a slip in the Roche marina. Once we were all set on Henry, I took my dinghy over to the marina and had a couple drinks with Pat at the bar.  

Sunday there was no wind so we motored to Friday Harbor and met Jen at a restaurant and everyone got reacquainted. I was wondering if Sam would pitch such a fit about being left with me for another week and not seeing her mama but in the end, she did great.  We sure missed Benny though.  

Friday Harbor also has a Seattle Yacht Club outstation and we stayed there while Pat got a slip in the marina. 

Motoring to Roche Harbor 

Sam was not immune to the drone of the motor on the way to Roche. 

Friday Harbor outstation 

Once awake it was chocolate time!

Sunday was a tough day for me. Had to say goodbye to my son for a week.  He was anxious to go and was looking forward to computer camp.  Ben is a bit of a home body.  He likes a set routine and the ability to see his friends at any time. Vacations for him are more of an ordeal. 

Sam settled down after Jen left and we had a good time. 

Swinging and kissing. 

Heading to Deer Harbor. Even the kitty has sunglasses!

Monday morning was light winds and we decided to take the long way around Shaw Island and head to Deer Harbor. We sailed the entire way.  Battling current and light winds was challenging but a ton of fun. Pat passed us briefly while we headed down the San Juan channel. That guy got lucky with current and wind for sure.  Once he passed us, I got serious and really started to sail Appa.  We did attempt to fish however.  Took us 6 hours to go 8 miles. It was fun as hell. I guess you had to be there.

Sam clearing the fishing line yet again while sailing to Deer Harbor. Look at the water.  No wind at times and yet we sailed. 

Almost at Deer Harbor. 

Deer Harbor was a great place. Nice dock crew and a great hike to a very cool restaurant. We even saw deer. 

Tuesday we planned on sailing to Stuart Island and hooking back up with Sand Dollar and Dolphin Quest. We tried to sail but the current was just to strong. Once in the harbor, we dropped anchor and had Pat pull in and raft off of us.  I haven't anchored for over a year and we were a bit rusty at it but got the hook down.  Sand Dollar was hanging off a mooring buoy when we arrived and after one night came over and rafted off of us. 

Sand Dollar, Appa and Subira.

My mom has friends that live at a house on Reid Harbor on Stuart Island during the summer. We  visited with them and had freshly caught shrimp. Thank you Howard and Sands for sharing your shrimp and your beautiful house. 

We hiked to Turn Point on Stuart Island.  It is a nice easy hike but long. Once again we dragged Sam along and told stories the whole way to make it easier on her and us.  No wasps this time. 7 miles round trip.  

Thursday we left for Deer Harbor again.  Sand Dollar and Dolphin Quest went to Jones Island and we felt that Deer Harbor and their swimming pool needed another visit.  Pat took Easton with him to help him sail his boat.  By all reports Easton was great crew.  Sam and Easton swam for almost 2 and a half hours in the pool. In President's Channel we saw a gray whale being chased by the stinking whale watching boats. Poor creature. 

Friday we hit Friday Harbor again. There we  had celebratory drinks on Sand Dollar toasting to our trip being almost done. 

Friday Harbor sunset 

Saturday we all left for Port Townsend.  Pat and I had reservations at the marina there but alas, no room for Sand Dollar and Dolphin Quest. They pushed on through and headed back to Seattle.  We spent a great day in Port Townsend.  It was hotter than hell there.  High 90s was reported.  

Sunday we pushed on home to Seattle.  Had to motor the whole way but that was alright. 

It was a great trip and I enjoyed the two week break from chemo.  

Playing while motoring to Seattle. 

Hanging out on a seal. 

I really need to take more photos of Benny...

She had a nightmare at Port Townsend and crawled into bed with me. So warm and cuddly. 

Wearing Opa's hat. 

SItting here in the infusion suite getting this poison pumped into me; I can already feel the weirdness creeping back into my body.  My white blood cell count is low now.  The infection fighting cells are ok for now though. I might have to get some medicine infected into me to stimulate WBC production. I was told to not worry about it till the doctor was worried about it. So I'll try to not think about it.  

After today five more weeks and then I get another two weeks off.  After those two weeks I have four more infusions left.  Then a CT scan to make sure the cancer is gone.  After that they test my colon and rectal area to make sure I don't have any leaks.  If that is good I get to have surgery to reconnect everything.  One day at a time. 

I am reading Lonesome Dove again. Been years since I read it. I enjoy this quote and think about it often.

“I see you’re in a hurry to get someplace. It’s a great mistake to hurry.” “Why?” Joe asked, puzzled by almost everything the traveler said. “Because the grave’s our destination,” Mr. Sedgwick said. “Those who hurry usually get to it quicker than those who take their time.”
― Larry McMurtry, Lonesome Dove